The Seamless Coalesce Project
by fragrantpharaoh
Summary: Keroro avoids the effort of trying to come up with a viable plan by suggesting that they re-visit failed plans and try to make them work, one of which was the idea to combine their powers to form a stronger being.
1. Chapter 1

**yoOoOoO new story mofos**

 **This one is, I assure you, going to be a much happier read than Melted Candle Wax. More like how the actual episodes of the show are. Except I use gijinkas :P**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Be sure to leave a review and PM me with any questions~**

* * *

"In that warm summer after peace came, Tara suddenly lost its isolation. And for months thereafter a stream of scarecrows, bearded ragged, footsore and always hungry, toiled up the red hill to Tara and came to rest on the shady front steps, wanting food and a night's lodging. They were Confederate soldiers walking home. The railroad had carried the remains-"

"This is pointless!"

Kululu paused in his reading and looked up at Giroro.

For what wasn't the first time in that meeting room (or even the first time _that_ _day_ ) the corporal felt his temper rise to its boiling point. What had set it off this time-

"When are you going to come up with a plan that will _actually_ work?!" Giroro demanded.

"This _is_ a good plan, Corporal Giroro!" Keroro insisted. "Sergeant Major Kululu has a deep, level voice and research shows that that's soothing to Pekoponians!"

"Oh, please-"

"All we have to do is broadcast him reading boring stuff to every home, and before we know it the entire planet will be asleep! That'll make invading easy!"

"Are you seriously so stupid?!" Giroro slammed his hand down on the table. "Nothing like this ever works, so why would it this time?!"

"Hey, the plans work sometimes!" Keroro retorted.

"Oh, really? Have we successfully conquered Pekopon?" Giroro countered.

"Well… no…"

"Then _none_ of our plans have been successful!"

"I think that Giroro poses a fair point, Captain," piped up Dororo.

"No one asked you, lance corporal," Tamama said, his head resting on his hand.

"What about when we gave Giroro a steroid and tried to be stronger?" Keroro asked.

"Nah," Kululu said, "that didn't work because of how aggressive it made the corporal. We took the implant out less than a month after I put it in because he was being such a dick."

"Ohh, that's right. Too bad that that didn't work. I liked that plan," said Tamama.

"What about when we tried to dye all the Pekoponian's fingers yellow from the peeling of too many oranges?"

"No, we never did that one because it would have only caused trouble for people," Dororo reminded him.

"How 'bout when we fused together and combined our powers? Where'd we go wrong there?"

"That one just had a lot of little problems."

Keroro ran his hands through his hair. Then, he pointed his finger in the air determinedly. "I will propose a new plan that will satisfy even the most _un-satisfiable_ …" He looked pointedly at Giroro, who merely scowled.

"I say that we should re-visit our previously failed plans and make them not be failures!"

"What, all of them?" Giroro asked.

"No, just the ones where we got _this_ ," he held his fingertips a millimeter apart, "close. And we'll try to fix where we went wrong."

Everyone stared at him, apparently unimpressed.

Keroro squinted at them and put his hands on his hips. "Unless anyone has any better ideas?"

No one did. Keroro gave a thumbs-up and said, "Okay!"

* * *

 **(lmao sorry that it's so short)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wooooooooooooooooooosh~**

 **So sorry that I've been so shitty about uploading chapters, I have been, ah, distracted. With very... important... things.**

 **I've been playing Fallout 4 a lot lol.**

* * *

"I'm telling you, idiot, it's not going to make a difference how many times you guys try," Natsumi said from the living room. "You're still always going to fail."

Keroro frowned. "I wasn't even talking to you," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Natsumi turned in her seat to glare at the sergeant across the room.

"Nothing, nothing…"

After Keroro completed his dishwashing, he finished telling Fuyuki about their plan.

Fuyuki was intrigued. "This seems like a pretty good idea to me, Sarge. At the very least, it can't do any harm."

"Yeah, except they're friggin' trying to invade!" Natsumi ejaculated crossly.

"They never do any real harm, though…," Fuyuki said aside to his sister.

"I don't care!"

There was a few moment's awkward silence, and then Fuyuki tentatively said, "Uhh, wasn't there going to be a _623 My Radio_ live broadcast today…?"

Natsumi's eyes grew wide and she leapt up from the couch. "Oh, my god! I almost forgot!" She raced upstairs and started getting ready at lightning-speed.

Keroro caught Fuyuki's eye. Fuyuki smiled and gave a thumbs-up.

* * *

"What's our first plan, Sergeant Major Kululu?"

"Ahh…" Kululu looked up from his laptop screen and pulled a folder from the towering stack in the middle of the table. "This one."

"Okay! This is-"

"Operation: Teach Corporal Giroro to Gargle," the sergeant major announced with a chuckle.

"Oh, _hell_ no, there's no way we're going to do that again," Giroro said, folding his arms stubbornly in front of his chest.

"Wait," Dororo asked, looking around, "I was under the impression that that plan had been successful?"

"Well…," Keroro shifted his weight back and forth, "… it _almost_ worked. We were able to get him to do it, but then he got sick and he hasn't been able to since then."

"Ohh, right," Tamama said, opening a bag of chips with a great deal of crinkling.

"I don't need to gargle," Giroro asserted, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, come on, corporal, it will actually work this time!"

"No."

Keroro narrowed his eyes at Giroro. Giroro glared obstinately back at him, and after a moment Keroro said, "Okay. We'll do something else. Kululu?"

Kululu handed him another folder. "Here."

"Alright, so this is… oh, yeah, this one will definitely work this time!"

"What is it?" Dororo inquired.

"Operation: Twisted Faces from Itching Athlete's Foot - Running Meetings, Businesses, and Passing Bills - Creating Total Political Chaos."

"No, we can't do that. That's just mean," Dororo replied.

"It isn't _mean_ it's… unique."

"No, Captain. I will not endorse this plan."

Keroro rolled his eyes and held his hand out. Kululu handed him yet another folder.

"Operation: Rake in a Shitload of Money by Creating an Amusement Park with Real Dinosaurs."

Tamama wiped his greasy fingers on his shirt and said,"No, Sarge, remember? We weren't able to control the dinosaurs and they attacked us."

"We aren't doing that again, moron," Giroro said. "It was too dangerous."

" _All right, all right!_ " Keroro shook his head in disbelief. "There's just no pleasing you people!" Kululu put a fourth folder into the sergeant's hands and Keroro read, "Operation: Combine Our Powers and Create a Stronger Soldier."

Nobody immediately opposed. "Okay!" he said in a satisfied tone. "Does anyone know where we went wrong here?"

"Well, for one thing, Natsumi didn't even take it seriously," Giroro said, a little bitter-sounding. "She didn't seem to care about our fusing together."

"Also," Tamama added, "I don't think that the combining itself was anything special." He pulled the wrapper off a snack cake that he had seemingly produced from nowhere.

"Indeed," Dororo agreed, "the way that we united was ineffective because it was no different from us just standing beside a partner with a big shirt over both our heads. We may as well have been separated, for all the good fusing did."

"That's true…," Keroro said, looking thoughtful.

"So what you want is a more seamless coalesce?" Kululu asked.

Keroro pursed his lips, thinking. "Yes, I think that that would be good. One being, twice as strong as either half. Instead of being split down the middle, we could be a whole new person! Do you think you could do that?"

"Yeah, sure," Kululu answered, leaning back in his chair.

"This sounds interesting," Dororo commented, closing his eyes and bowing his head serenely.

"More than interesting," said Giroro, "it sounds effective. We could really use this for the invasion."

"Kululu, set about that immediately!" Keroro ordered, and Kululu obediently slunk off his chair and headed through the pseudo-fridge to the base.

"Which combinations did we do last time?" Tamama asked. "We should probably try out new ones this time around." He leaned forward and grabbed a can of soda from the table.

"I think it was Keroro and Tamama… actually, Keroro and _everyone_."

"And Kululu and Dororo."

"Tamama and Giroro."

"Then everyone all at once."

"Ri-ight…," Keroro said, nodding. "So that leaves four pairs: Giroro and Dororo, Giroro and Kululu, Dororo and Tamama, and Tamama and Kululu. Right?"

"Yup."

"I guess we'll try Tamama and Kululu first, then," Keroro decided.

"But how will Natsumi react to having a new person in the house? She might get mad at you, Sarge," Tamama pointed out.

"Ah…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Be sure to leave a review and PM me with any questions~**

* * *

"So, how does this work, sergeant major?" Keroro asked.

The platoon stood in the control room looking at the invention that Kululu had dubbed "The Seamless Coalesce Project".

"Prick the finger of each person who's fusing, rub the blood here so the machine knows who you are… the two partners get into this-" Kululu gestured to what resembled a standing shower "-they're broken down and reassembled into a person with equal traits from both parties."

"Excellent work, Kululu!" praised Keroro.

"Why did you change the machine from what it was before? Like, with the headbands?" Tamama asked.

"Aesthetic," Kululu replied.

"Really?"

"No, not really."

Giroro scrutinized the contraption with distaste. "How do we know this is safe?" he asked.

"Because I'm going to use it on myself," Kululu answered.

"Hm."

Keroro straightened out some creases on his shirt and said, "Tamama! Kululu! You guys are up first."

"Okay!" Tamama stepped forward and held out his hand to Kululu.

Kululu slid the machine's door open and then pulled a sewing needle out of his pocket. He stabbed the private's palm with it.

"Ow!" Tamama exclaimed. "Did you have to do that so hard?"

"No."

With Tamama's blood smeared on the pad Kululu motioned for him to enter the machine. Kululu pricked his own finger and did the same.

Kululu leaned against the wall of his invention in a bored sort of way and pulled his white multi-purpose remote from his pocket. With a flourish, he slid the door shut and pushed the center button on his remote. "This will be fun!"

* * *

Keroro entered the livingroom, followed by his platoon. Natsumi was sitting on the couch with one of her legs crossed underneath her, watching T.V.

"So, Miss Natsumi…"

"What?" Natsumi replied without looking up.

"'Always going to fail', huh? 'No matter how many times you try'? Gero gero gero…"

"That's what I said, you're always going to-" She looked up and squinted in confusion. "Um… who's that?"

"Behold!" Keroro presented, holding his arms out to the new member of his platoon. "TamaLu!"

He wore a dark blue jumpsuit, like a mechanic. Over the right breastpocket, a nametag read "966"; on the other side, it said "TMM". His flaming orange hair stood up in thick corkscrew curls. His thin, small frame and round face gave the impression of his being a child, but the devious expression on his face betrayed the idea. A pair of welding goggles were pushed up on his forehead.

"What's up?" he said. His voice sounded just like Kululu's, but it was higher pitched.

"TamaLu… Did you guys fuse yourselves together?" Natsumi asked, a look of disgust on her face.

"Precisely, ma'am!" Keroro replied.

"But-"

Fuyuki walked in. He said, "Hey, guys," and walked into the kitchen. It was only once he got there that he suddenly stopped and looked around. "Wait a minute… you aren't Kululu!"

"Not anymore," TamaLu said with a chuckle.

"Oh!" Fuyuki exclaimed excitedly. "You're a fusion! You guys actually did it!" He raced over to where TamaLu stood. "This is so cool!"

TamaLu smiled in a satisfied way. "Thanks. I think it's cool too. It's certainly not something that any of these losers could have done without me." He gestured to the rest of the platoon.

"That was… an unprovoked attack," Keroro said, shifting his weight back and forth. "But it doesn't matter. With TamaLu's help, our platoon will now be unstoppable! What do you think about _that_ , Natsumi? Ha!"

Natsumi seemed unimpressed. "I just don't see how this helps you invade. It seems kinda pointless to me."

Keroro scoffed. "Just you wait!"

"Sarge, are you guys gonna do more fusions?" Fuyuki asked.

"Maybe. I was thinking about fusing myself and Giroro again…," Keroro replied.

"You're not fusing with _anyone_ again, Keroro," Giroro said. "It was completely pointless last time. We're trying out new fusions this time."

"Yes, I thought that that was kind of the whole point," Dororo said. "Trying out new things this time since last time it did not work?"

Keroro shushed him and turned to TamaLu. "I want you to make something that will show all of the nay-sayers that this plan _will_ be successful! Can you do that?"

TamaLu nodded as if he was listening, but said nothing. He suddenly glanced behind himself at the refrigerator. "Do we have any diet Coke?" he asked.

"Well, no, I don't think so… But did you hear what I told you?"

"What?"

"I-" Keroro shook his head. "I said I wanted you to make something to, you know, show everyone that this was a good idea…"

TamaLu stared at him blankly.

"We-we can go get some Coke if you want to," Keroro said, looking uncertain.

"Cool." TamaLu promptly turned and headed out the front door.

The others stared after him.

"Where the hell is he going?" Giroro asked, watching TamaLu walk down the drive and go down the street.

"To the store, I guess."

"He's a little odd," Dororo remarked.

"Well, he's half Kululu."

"Yeah…"

"I guess we better go with him and make sure he doesn't hurt himself… or someone else, for that matter," Giroro said, following TamaLu.

"Oh, wait!" Natsumi said, jumping up from the couch. "Pick up this stuff while you're at the store, okay?" She handed Keroro a list of ingredients. "I saw a recipe in a magazine that we should try soon."

"Will do, ma'am," Keroro replied, pocketing the slip of paper.

* * *

 **Hooray for TamaLu! The next chapter will be coming up shortly~  
**

 **My editor did official art for TamaLu!  
I am unable to link it here, however, so you will have to find it on your own. Her name on DeviantArt is CeruleanGuineaPigs, so just find her on dA and look through her gallery to find it~** **  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**When I uploaded the last chapter there was some kind of glitch and the email didn't send out to those that were following it! So I tried to re-upload it and see if it worked that time, and still, noone got the email, but after a third try it finally sent. Lol. Point being - if it's been a really long time and you haven't seen any chapters from me, go ahead and check it out; the email may not have sent when I uploaded it.  
(The same thing happened with Red, though I didn't bother re-uploading til it worked)**

 **Anyway, tho, enjoy this chapter, be sure to leave a review and PM me with any questions you may have~**

* * *

"Okay, TamaLu, I'm going to tell you _one more time_ … I want you to make something that will totally blow Natsumi's mind and show her that this plan was a good idea."

"How do I do that?" TamaLu asked, draining a silver can of diet Coke. He and Keroro were in the base's workshop.

"Like I've said before, just invent something like you're always doing, except make it twice as good as all the other things you've made because now you're twice the guy you once were!"

"I," TamaLu said, "have never made anything. I am a new person. I am not Kululu. I want you to stop saying that I am."

"I never said-"

"You did. You said, 'invent something like you're always doing'. _Kululu_ was always doing that, but I am _not_ Kululu."

"Well, you know what I mean," Keroro replied dismissively.

"It really fucks with my sense of identity. It hurts… right here…" TamaLu dramatically gestured to his heart, though he appeared to be completely undisturbed. He laughed and opened a new can of Coke. His laughter was musical and without obvious imperfection, but somehow it had a quality to it that could only be described as disgusting.

"So, you'll get on that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good, I'll be back to see your progress later, 'kay?"

"Yeah."

But when Keroro returned to the base, he was irritated to find that TamaLu had once again neglected to complete his task. He was serenely perched on a metal stool with headphones in his ears.

"What are you doing?!" Keroro asked, now at the end of his rope.

"Ah…"

"TamaLu, you are being deliberately insubordinate and I will _not_ stand for it!"

"I am not!" TamaLu spat indignantly, leaping down from the stool. "I made this!"

"Made what?"

"This chair!" TamaLu picked up the stool and brandished it at the sergeant.

"You made… a chair?"

"Yeah, I welded it together from a bunch of metal pipes. It's good."

"But-But this isn't what I told you to do!" Keroro said.

TamaLu squinted at him in exasperation. He climbed up and stood on his stool precariously before he said, "I really don't understand what you're trying to get me to do and I think that you should stop asking."

Keroro rolled his eyes. "You're useless!"

TamaLu jumped down from the chair with alarming grace and agility and landed right in front of Keroro. He grabbed the sergeant's chin and said in a low voice, "That isn't very nice."

Keroro crossed his arms and glared back at TamaLu.

They stared at each other in silence for a while, each party too stubborn to be the first to look away. Then Giroro walked in, holding a little hand-written note.

"Why the hell did you take my cleaning cloth, you little brat?!" he barked, glowering at TamaLu.

"I needed it," TamaLu replied, finally stepping away from Keroro's face and pulling yet another can of diet Coke from his pants pocket.

"For what?"

"To wipe my ass. What the hell do you think?" TamaLu replied, laughing at the fuming corporal. "I needed to clean up from my welding."

"Give it back."

TamaLu reached into his pocket. He frowned and pulled the pocket's lining inside-out. The cloth wasn't there. He repeated the process with the pocket on the opposite side, and again came up empty. He glanced around guiltily. "I, uh, must have misplaced it…"

Giroro shook his head in exasperation. "You shouldn't have even taken it in the first place!"

"Like I said in the note, I _needed_ it!"

"You're saying that out of this whole base, there was only one cloth you could have used?!"

"There must have been, or else I wouldn't have taken yours."

"I think," Giroro said, stepping forward and glaring down at TamaLu, "that you took it just to be a dick. It's just the type of thing that Kululu would do."

"I am _not_ Kululu!"

Keroro stepped between them. "Why don't you maniacs just cool it, okay?"

"But-"

"TamaLu, why don't you go upstairs and make dinner? Natsumi said that she wanted to try out that recipe for potato-kale soup; how about you make that?" Keroro said, raising his voice to talk over Giroro's interjecting.

"Why do I have to make it?" TamaLu complained.

"Because Tamama loved food and Kululu knew how to cook, so you should be an expert on this kind of stuff."

TamaLu rolled his eyes but headed upstairs anyway.

* * *

The television went to a commercial break and Natsumi suddenly threw her hands up in the air. "I'm just gonna say it! I kinda hate TamaLu!"

TamaLu glanced up at her in languid interest from the kitchen counter where he sat reading.

"Why do you hate him, Natsumi?" Dororo asked, gazing at her mildly from across the livingroom.

"He's just… hard to be around. He's kind of creepy and annoying, and it's like he's not even listening when you talk to him!"

"That's true," Giroro agreed, "I've noticed that too."

"Well… I think that he's a little difficult, myself," Keroro conceded. "But, hey, at least he's making dinner." The commercial break on the T.V. ended and the intro to a show started playing. "Oh, my god, Natsumi, can't we watch something besides Jersey Shore?"

"No. Shut up."

Fuyuki walked in. "Woah, what's burning?"

Everyone else quickly registered the burning smell as well.

Keroro exclaimed, "TamaLu!" Smoke was billowing from the pot on the stove. "You're burning the soup!"

"Oh, damn…," TamaLu muttered, hopping down from his perch. He turned the burner off and heaved the large pot off the stove. He set it in the sink and turned on the faucet over it. "It had actually caught on fire there a little bit, ha ha…"

"You can't even…," Keroro began, but then he saw the bag of greens on the counter. " _You didn't even remember to put the kale in!_ "

"Hm…," was TamaLu's uninterested reply.

"If you can't even make a goddamn pot of soup how the hell are you going to help our invasion?!" Giroro vociferated.

"Giroro's right, this-this isn't working out, TamaLu. You're basically just Kululu with ADHD so it's really not helpful to us," Keroro said, sounding a little disappointed.

TamaLu shrugged. "Whatever."

"Guess this turned out to be a failure after all…," Natsumi sang, sounding very self-satisfied.

"It is _not_!" Keroro declared stubbornly. "We'll try a different fusion next and it'll be even better!"

"Suit yourself."

* * *

 **~~I WoNdEr WhAt ThE NeXt FuSiOn iS GoNnA Be~~  
(lol no I already know)  
**

 **Also, don't forget if you haven't seen it already, but there's official art for TamaLu provided by my editor. Head over to DeviantArt and find the user named CeruleanGuineaPigs and take a look through her gallery for it~  
(bc I can't link stuff here)**


	5. Chapter 5

Once Kululu and Tamama had come out of the machine, separate once more, Keroro crossed his arms and said, "Well, that was a complete failure."

"I think it went okay. We made a chair," Tamama pointed out, stretching.

"You weren't _supposed_ to make a chair," Keroro replied. But then he shrugged and said, "But it doesn't matter; we can just try again. Who's next?"

Kululu directed his gaze towards Giroro and raised his eyebrows.

"What?" the corporal asked, looking uncomfortable.

"You and I still haven't fused, corporal," Kululu said.

"That's true," Keroro agreed, "we haven't tried that combination."

"I don't want to fuse with Kululu," Giroro said firmly. "He can fuse with someone else."

"He already _did_ ," Tamama put in.

"If you don't like it once you're fused, you can just separate again and we'll try something else," Keroro suggested. "Okay?"

Giroro glared at Kululu in distaste.

"Stop being a wuss, Corporal Giroro," Kululu said, coming at Giroro with a pin in hand.

Without too much resistance, he pricked Giroro's hand and the corporal begrudgingly smeared the spot of blood across the panel of Kululu's machine.

* * *

Natsumi was standing at the sink, washing dishes. Keroro took a deep breath and tapped on her shoulder. She turned around.

"Behold… again!" Keroro presented, looking slightly maniacal.

A pair of dark, reflective sunglasses were perched on the tip of his nose. A hubristic smile that bordered on a sneer was stretched across his sharp, handsome face. His strawberry-blonde hair looked strangely thin and dry and his clothes were simple: a wife beater, jeans, and work boots.

"Um…," Natsumi said, looking the new person up and down. "Is this, like… KuluGiro?"

"Give this girl a medal," KuluGiro drawled. It was strange to hear what sounded almost exactly like Kululu's voice come out of someone who so resembled Giroro.

"We may have failed last time, devil," Keroro said, squinting at Natsumi, who rolled her eyes, "but this time our plan is foolproof!"

KuluGiro leaned against the counter and flicked a few strands of hair out of his face. "Hm," he grunted, running his hand through the nearly-pink strands. "Do you have a hairtie I could borrow, whey-face?"

A brief look of confusion came over Natsumi's face, but she quickly recovered. "By 'borrow', do you mean you're gonna give it back?"

KuluGiro stared at her over his glasses for a long time before softly replying, "Do you have a hairtie I could _steal_?"

Tamama laughed. Natsumi blushed a little.

"Yeah, hold on; I'll get one," she said, heading upstairs.

She returned a few moments later with a silver hairtie in hand. KuluGiro put his hair up in a ponytail and said, "That's better. Thank you, Nat-su-mi…" He pronounced each syllable of her name with slow, painful care.

Natsumi smiled as her face grew positively red and she mumbled a response.

"Well," KuluGiro announced, "I'm gonna head up to the pharmacy for smokes and _clemastine." He swaggered out of the living room and out the front door. A few seconds later, the door was heard opening again and he moonwalked back into the room. He muttered something aside to Keroro, who sighed. The sergeant pulled his small coin purse from his pocket and handed a few bills to_ KuluGiro, who then proceeded out the door again.

Natsumi nodded in approval and said, "He seems… nice."

Keroro squinted at her suspiciously.


End file.
